


The Love That Remains

by shipperofdarkness



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Rey (Star Wars), RFFA Valentine's Exchange 2020, Rey is Nobody (Star Wars), Rey-Centric (Star Wars), Star Wars: The Last Jedi Throne Room Scene, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, TROS was awful so let’s ignore most of that movie, That’s Not How The Force Works (Star Wars), Time Travel Fix-It, cause f that misogyny, since canon was retconned let’s retcon canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/pseuds/shipperofdarkness
Summary: Saudade(n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost;"the love that remains"In those first few weeks, everything had been muddled in a haze as the Resistance tried to rebuild all that had been lost. Rey had buried herself in the work. It’s what she’d always done.Don’t think of your parents, don’t think of waiting, scavenge and repeat.But it’s different.Her parents hadn’t wanted her.He had.Her parents hadn’t loved her.He had.And in his wake, the wound had split Rey’s soul to the bone, like the scar she’d given him all those moons ago. It's a blessing. And a curse. And all she has left. It’s the love that remains.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 15
Kudos: 58
Collections: To Find Your Kiss: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	The Love That Remains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnneAnna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneAnna/gifts).



> Happy Valentine's Day! 🥳
> 
> Dear AnneAnna,  
> I want you to know I personally swore to not touch canonverse or fix-it fics after TROS broke my heart, but your prompt was too good to pass up. I hope you enjoy this oneshot!
> 
> Please note: Rey is grieving through most of this story. This does involve a tiny mention of self-hate but this was not added without purpose. I was unfortunate enough to have lost a close friend a few months ago, and many of Rey's thoughts and feelings were influenced by that experience. Grief is a process and there's no right way to process it. I hope anyone suffering during this pandemic knows you have support and people who love you. You can overcome anything ❤️
> 
> Update 2/17/21: the incredible AnneAnna surprised me with this magical moodboard, which I've included below 🥰

On, off. On, off. Rey watches the small, red light blink in the darkness of the Falcon. The little speck of color compels her to answer the call but Rey doesn’t have the energy. She hasn’t for months now.

She knows Finn and Poe and Rose are worried. Time has healed their wounds, given them new purpose and strength, empowered them to build the galaxy they risked everything for. Rey’s happy for them. Watching Finn and Poe tiptoe around each other for ‘official co-general business’ had brought the first smile to her face. They deserved each other.

In those first few weeks, everything had been muddled in a haze as the Resistance tried to rebuild all that had been lost. Rey had buried herself in the work. It’s what she’d always done. _Don’t think of your parents, don’t think of waiting, scavenge and repeat._

But it’s different. 

Her parents hadn’t wanted her.

He had.

Her parents hadn’t loved her.

He had.

And in his wake, the wound had split Rey’s soul to the bone, like the scar she’d given him all those moons ago. It's a blessing. And a curse. And all she has left. It’s the love that remains. 

Love shouldn’t hurt like this.

Feeling her head slipping below water, Rey redoubled her efforts to heal the victims of the First Order. Rose was a constant by her side, the loss of Paige still fresh enough to have some semblance of Rey’s pain.

Rey sometimes wonders how much her friends know. She doesn’t talk about him, can’t talk about him, but they’d all been there on Exegol, had torn a screaming, thrashing Rey from that horrible, cold grave. Her agony had been all-consuming as they held her tight, the torn, black tunic muffling her sobs. She’s heard their whispers as she’s entered rooms and meetings. She knows she’s causing them pain. Rey needs to be less selfish. 

When Hux had been discovered alive, whatever thin scab Rey had built around the wound tore. Unlike the other high-ranking officers, Hux was given leniency on the grounds that he’d continue to provide vital intel on the First Order’s past operations, including the locations of the stormtrooper training center and recruiting camps. It made her think of _him_ , and what their future could have been if… 

If is a dangerous thought.

Rey knows she should stay away from Hux, but part of her—the selfish part—knows this is the closest she’ll ever be to having him again. So Rey plays with fire. She raptly listens to the inner workings of the regime, piecing together what his life must have been like after Luke. 

It’s painful but bearable until Rey notices the gradual banter between Rose and Hux, the closeness, the intense looks from opposite sides of the room. Finn has to point it out to Poe one day before Rose has arrived for mealtime, and it’s somehow worse, knowing Rey isn’t imagining things.

She should be happy for Rose.

But the first time Rose giggles describing Hux’s behavior earlier in the day, Rey bolts. She barely makes it out of sight before the tears come. Unable to swallow down her loss, and knowing it’s only a matter of time until someone finds her—Rose most likely leading the charge—Rey blindly darts through the hallway.

She can’t keep burdening her friends like this. They deserve happiness. And joy. And love. So when Rey stumbles onto the Falcon’s ramp, she doesn’t hesitate. She’s doing them a favor. As she jumps to hyperspeed, Rey doesn’t look back.

It’s not until she descends that Rey realizes what coordinates she’s punched in. The cool blue waters of Ahch-To are a familiar view. Landing the Falcon, Rey looks out at the landscape. She shouldn’t be here but she doesn’t know where she belongs anymore. 

The shrill ring of an incoming transmission blares through the ship. She knows it’s Finn or Rose, maybe even Poe, looking for her, but she doesn’t feel like talking.

With a flip of a switch, the sound cuts off, leaving a red light to blink in silence before it stops.

Rey powers off the ship. She watches the porgs mill about from the pilot’s chair. The small creatures screech as they run and play. The pitter-patter of water against the Falcon’s roof catches Rey by surprise, and she’s not the only one, as she eyes the porgs scurrying home for cover.

It had rarely rained in Jakku. It’s why nothing grew there. And the last time it had rained here— 

The red light rapidly starts blinking again.

Rey should answer. She knows she should answer but they’re not the one she wants to talk to. They’re not the one she wants to see. In every face, she’s looking for the one she cannot find. It’s a pain that cuts too deeply, too swiftly, too carelessly for her own survival. At least if she’s here, she can’t hurt anyone else. At least if she’s here, she— 

Something drops against her chest, sending a quake through her. A tiny, dark spot rests on the top of her shirt before another quickly follows. Forcing her hand from her side, Rey shakily raises it to her cheek. It’s wet with tears she didn’t know she still had. 

She’s losing her mind. 

It hurts. 

Forcing herself upright, Rey leaves the sanctity of the Falcon, venturing out into the storm. Rey hikes up the side of the island towards the huts. As expected, the Lanais aren’t happy to see her. She can hear their annoyed grumbles before she sees them.

The feeling is mutual.

Rey marches past, coming to a stop as her old hut comes into view. The once destroyed structure now stands whole and immaculate. Like nothing important had ever happened here. Like he was never real.

Rage blooms in Rey’s stomach. Even in this place where she’d first really seen him, gotten to know the man behind the mask, and seen their future together, there is no trace of him. He’d said she wasn’t alone but she’d never felt more alone. 

Rey screams with frustration into the raging sky. Her tears mix with the pouring rain as she turns on her heel and heads East. Rey hops down towards the heaving sea. Not waiting this time, Rey dives down through the gaping hole of black vines and into the underground lake. 

She’d asked before to see her parents and had been shown two figures merge into one. Two that are one—the Force had been trying to tell her. It hadn’t ignored her question but answered the one she was really asking. It had shown her who she’d been longing for for her whole life.

Maybe it could guide her now, help her find the strength to heal.

Rising from the freezing pool, Rey holds her hand to the fogged, mirrored surface. Her reflections come into view, but Rey ignores them, focused on what she’s come to ask.

“Show me him,” her voice cracks, hoarse from crying.

Nothing happens. There’s no figure, no image. The fog doesn’t clear.

“Please,” she begs.

Nothing changes.

Blinking back tears, Rey’s chest shakes as she refuses to give up. Her hand curls into a fist against the mirror. 

“Please! You owe me this much. I’ve given up everything for you, so please!”

Nothing.

Uncontrollable sobs rack her chest. Her eyes slip closed as her head falls to rest against the cool surface.

“Please. Show me Ben. I want to see Ben.”

It’s not fair but the fight within her dies. She’s pushed herself too far and feels the tell-tale signs of fatigue setting in her bones. Sliding down the surface, Rey succumbs to sleep.

\-----

There’s a red glow to the room as ignited debris falls from the ceiling like fireflies. Despite the smell of smoke and carnage, there’s a peaceful stillness in the air. Rey’s gasping for breath as she peers out the viewport before her.

A loud screech of a blast tears through the air as one of the ten transports explodes. She’s seen this before.

“The fleet?”

Stepping back, Rey knows this wall, this crimson red. She holds her breath as she turns around.

And he’s there. 

Still beautiful. Still her Ben.

He’s gulping down breaths, standing over Snoke’s body, Luke’s saber in his hand.

She’s afraid to say it, afraid it’ll make this dream-like mirage disappear, but she can’t hold it in, “Ben?” 

“It’s time to let old things die.” He finally turns to her and comes closer. His brown eyes holding the same warmth and passion she remembers. “Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the rebels. Let it all die.” It’s like he’s giving a speech from memory, her memory. It’s not what she asked for but she’ll take what she can get. She’ll savor every loose strand of obsidian hair, every beauty mark upon his face, every moment she gets to see him clearly, like he’s real, like didn’t die in her arms.

“Rey, I want you to join me. We could rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.”

She knows what happens next. She knows their fate. He’ll push her to admit she remembers her parents, tell her she has no place in this story, that she’s nothing, but not to him. She knows that path, and even if this is just a memory, Rey refuses to let it pass her by.

She’s so sorry. She knows Poe and Leia are on those transports. She knows Finn and Rose are about to be executed below, but this time she has to choose him. She needs him.

“Yes.”

Rey doesn't wait for the look of surprise to pass over Ben's face. Instead, she leaps forward, pulling Ben down to meet her lips. She puts everything she has into the kiss, trying to memorize this feeling because she’ll never get this again. Holding him as tightly as she can, Rey feels a tear slip free from the corner of her eye, because he’s warm and it feels real. He feels real. His arms wrap around her, meeting at the small of her back as his lips meet hers with the same ferocity. Rey only pulls away when she absolutely has to, leaning her forehead against Ben’s as she breathes him in.

“Rey?” His hand rises to cup her cheek as he opens her eyes to look at him.

His eyes crinkle as a large, toothy grin spreads across his face that sets her insides aflame, and at that moment, Rey knows this isn’t a memory or a dream. This is real. The Force had answered her call.

“It’s really you, isn’t it?” She whispers in disbelief, trying and failing to keep herself from hoping.

He nods. “How is this possible?” She can feel his chest vibrate against hers.

“Does it matter? Don’t ever leave me like that again.”

“Never,” he whispers as he brings his lips back to hers.

Rey wants to melt into the kiss, but if this is real, her friends need their help. “Mm, Ben. We have to go.”

“I know,” he sighs.

Pulling away, Ben takes a step back, offering Rey his hand with a sheepish smile. Rey returns it, threading their fingers together, the way they always should be. They have time now. Nothing needs to be rushed. As the turbolift’s doors slide shut, Ben pulls their joined hands up to his lips, giving her hand a kiss. Rey smiles, she feels hope again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated. I'll tag my socials once reveal happens next week.
> 
> @AnneAnna, if you like this story, I'm considering doing a companion piece from Ben's POV. Let me know if that's something you would be interested in reading.
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day, y'all! 🥳


End file.
